i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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