I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
