I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
