My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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