Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we're making bets on your personal life
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
