I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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