Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
