dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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