haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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