put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
