I want to stick my p in your. b.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
