fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
