none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
