I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
