I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
