He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
