last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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