Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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