ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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