Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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