You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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