I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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