can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
