And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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