please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
