Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
