At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
