Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
