Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
