so that wasnt chicken after all
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
that may or may not have been my penis.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
