what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
