Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
