3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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