I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
