This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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