I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
