Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
