due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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