No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
