I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
