How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
