whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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