I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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