a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
