Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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