dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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