so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
