i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
