you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
