hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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