look no pants
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
