my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
