i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
