quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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