Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
