Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
