I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize