All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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