and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't deserve a penis
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you never un-have a 4some
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
