I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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