Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
