Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
