I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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