Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
