My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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