so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
