there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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