i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
