I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
