So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
