tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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