The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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