I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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