I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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