So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
