You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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