at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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